Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The End And The Beginning

It has been a crazy roller coaster of a year.  

When they say that adoption is not for the faint of heart, they are not even remotely kidding.  However, as a family, you need both adult hearts to be in the journey together.  One being at 110% and one being, not so much, makes an average of what would be considered a non passing grade and that is not a path of righteousness.

Luckily, somewhere at the top of the roller coaster I became part of an amazing group of Christian women who are diving into the word with me and learning how to love God more clearly and listen to intently.  Thank you Jen Hatmaker for encouraging me to stretch my wings.

In all that listening time, I have realized that, what has become my adoption, not our adoption is not what is best for our family.  God put me on His Earth to be the best daughter to Him, wife to Josh and mother I am capable of being.

I want to change the world and I want to actively work with children in poverty.  I want to love the orphaned and widowed and I want to make a difference.  However, I need to do that by being a missionary, not an adoptive mother.

Being a strong role model and having an amazing family unit, that is where my focus needs to be.  I want to raise strong children who know Love and are filled with the Holy Spirit, children who see love, kindness, honor and respect in their home and radiate that to those around them.

After a year of heart ache and struggle, we have made the incredibly difficult decision that adoption is not the Godly choice for our family right now.

There are so many of you who have given us your time, your social media, your prayers and your financial help.  I wish I could give you your time back but I cannot.  All I can do is thank you for it.  From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate all the time and prayers you have given us.  As far as finances, I am working on getting that back to you as well.  Please give me a week.

This prayer came to me on my FCA Team Endurance feed today.  Perfect for the occasion.

"Lord, help me see how You are growing me now, in the middle of every circumstance. Thank You for guaranteeing victory over death. Thank You for walking hand in hand with me. Amen."

I love you all and hope that you will continue to follow along with us on the crazy journey we call LIFE!


  1. I am very proud of you for making such a difficult decision. Always remember to pursue your dreams and live life for today and tomorrow. The importance of the past is in laying the foundation for a better future. Love you, Dad

  2. This makes me so sad for you. I can only imagine how hard it was to make this decision. However, please know how very much I respect for doing what you believe is the best thing for your family.

  3. I am so proud of you for being such a strong woman to make this decision. You will do amazing things in whatever you decide.

  4. Prayers Heidi.....as long as you listen to God you can't go wrong. Not always the easy way but by far the best. Bless you friend!

  5. Prayers Heidi.....as long as you listen to God you can't go wrong. Not always the easy way but by far the best. Bless you friend!

  6. I know this was a VERY difficult decision and your heart is aching (because mine is), but I have found in difficult times that God was teaching or preparing me for something. Keep your eyes and ears open to his whispers. Maybe along with missionary work, you need to share your knowledge that you have gained in this journey. It has always helped me to heal my pain with helping ours to not have to take my painful path. I am now and have always been proud of you. Love Mom