Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Creating And Filling The Shoes Of A Man, Father and Husband.

Many have asked me what my husband thinks about our adoption. Sometimes, I feel like I am looking back at them with a glazed over stare, feeling somewhat offended and thinking "What do you mean?  He is totally on board!"  I mean, really, why wouldn't he be?  After all, I told him that I felt this was God's calling for us.  I sat, talked at with him and researched with him for hours on end about all the wrong in the world and why what we were thinking about was right both morally and scripturally.  We have done hours upon hours of education, reading and researching about everything that could possibly happen, go wrong or that our children may have or suffer from.  Well, I did that and then shared a majority of the information with him.  Now that I think about it, there may have been a time or two (or a hundred) in which he gave me that same blank, glazed over stare that I was giving those who were questioning me.

Hmmm, I am a pretty determined little lady. Ok, enough with the under-your-breath scoffing.  I hear you...fine, I am very strong willed...so is my husband...it makes life interesting!  If I believe in something, Josh usually gives in uh...supports me in the journey we take together.  Don't get me wrong, he is on board with our adoption but is he totally freaked out and scared?  Yes, so am I.  I would be worried if we weren't.  It is called being a parent.  Boy am I glad I am not in his position.

Life can be a scary journey.  Throw an adoption in there and you make it even more exciting.  Some days, parenting decisions makes me want to be on a cocktail of anti-nausea, anti-depression, anti-anxiety meds to mix in with my anti-ADD and I could be ready to start the day!!!  Thank GOD for Josh and his responsibility of keeping me grounded and helping me raise these amazing kiddos! I swear I still have days where I look at my kids and think,

"Aren't we too young to have kids?  Seriously, these are ours?  What if we screw them up?"

In ode to Fathers Day and the incredible men I have learned from,  I did some studying and came across these verses that I wanted to share about what is amazing about men, fathers and husbands.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.
                                                1 Corinthians 16:13 

In my mind, that is a man, right there.  Sometimes, as strong women, we need a man to stand up to us, help our hearts and minds be on the same page and be the ones with questions about our decisions.  Josh is the one that thinks of the questions, I am the one that finds the answers, together, we make a decision.  Hey, we may not always get along or be that nice to each other, but we are always working together and that is the right direction to be going, if you ask us.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
                                    Proverbs 22:6

As a parent, are you teaching your little men the way of our Lord? I always think that teaching boys to grow up to be men, who respect themselves, women and the Lord could quite possibly be one of the hardest things in parenting.  Maybe thats because I had a sister, but my husband and the men around us are incredible at this.  Are you surrounding your sons with role models like these? My parents in-law did a superb job of this and it is obvious if you have ever met my father in-law or his boys.  Or really, just look at me and my sis, we aren't boys, but we are pretty stinkin awesome and we can thank our Daddy for at least part of our awesomeness!

He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.
                                 Proverbs 14:26

My great friend Tara writes an amazing blog and today, her husband was a guest writer. You can find them on S'more Stories.  Ty wrote about how he feels like the wrapper that keeps his family package together and safe. What an amazing and scary feeling, as a man, to know that is your job.  

**I am confidant that is why most men are so nervous about the adoption process, or any big decision for that matter.  I know because I asked and Josh told me.  Funny how if you just take a deep breath and ask "why" they will tell you!  It isn't that they do not want to add one or even 12 children to their family, it is the worry of how he will provide for, love and keep all these children safe and secure in themselves and in life.  As women and wives, we need to be sure that we are honoring those God given concerns he has and not second guessing them.  After all, our husbands are the head of our household and as much as we want to fight it sometimes, their opinions and worries really do have relevance to your family and marriage.

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
                                 Joshua 1:9

Um, ladies, it is no big revelation that we grasp this notion at the pace of the hare.  It has taken me 12 years to figure out that, as frustrating as it is, our husbands will too....eventually...just give them time.  Sometimes, their walk with the Lord is at the tortoise pace and you know how that story ends.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and the become one flesh.
                                    Genesis 2:24

When Josh chose me as his partner, he jumped into big shoes that my father had created as my mentor and support system.  The same goes for me to him. Josh and I have supported each other through a lot of goals and adventures that most would consider out of the question.  Through it all, we have been confidant that the Lord will provide us with what we need spiritually, emotionally and financially.  We have travelled together all over the country racing, me on a bicycle or running, him on a drag bike.  He has been my rock when I was training 3-5 hours a day, sometimes at the crack of dawn on 5 hours of sleep, sometimes in a snow blizzard.  He has talked me through 3 hour long runs on a treadmill or rides on my rollers. He has always encouraged me to follow my dreams.  When he wants to follow his, there is never a part of me that feels bitterness for staying back with the kids for a week while he goes heli-skiing, drag racing or water skiing with the boys.  We have a partnership of unreal support and I feel so blessed with that. 

So, to all the fathers out there who are and are yet to be, Happy Fathers Day.  I hope that you will raise your little men and women to be capable of "filling the shoes" when they find their God chosen spouse.  I hope they are big shoes, that were full of love, and will continue to be.     XOXO, Heids

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